The Excitement That Never Ends
by lowi
Summary: An excerpt from Lily's diary, two days after Harry was born. Rambly thoughts, but most of all pure devotion, what else when you've got such a wonderful son? Winner of The Diary Competition at HPFC.


_A/N: Written for __The Diary Competition__ at the __HPFC__ forum. I was supposed to write an in-depth diary entry about Harry's birth in Lily's point of view. Many thanks to my wonderful beta mew (__mew-tsubaki__)._

**The Excitement That Never Ends**

August 2nd, 1980

Dear diary, it has happened now! I'm awfully sorry I haven't had time to write until now and tell you it all, but oh sweet Merlin, everything has just been a mess, and I've been too busy smiling like an idiot whenever I had a spare moment, so I simply haven't been able to write.

Now, though, I decided to sit down, and try and put some order to my excited thoughts, but as you might have noticed, I'm rambling even in my writing. Okay, I'm going to take a deep breath and start over.

Now, what I'm talking about is that Harry has been born! It was three days ago when it all began, and then four hours later I had my son in my arms. The feeling is indescribable, and he is the most beautiful baby I've ever seen.

I'm still rambling, aren't I? All right, now I'm going to take things from the beginning. So, it was two in the morning when my water broke and I realized that I was going to give birth. At first, as I was rather dazed, I just felt insanely happy that I wasn't going to have this huge belly for any longer, which was such a relief. I mean, I have told you numerous times of how annoying it's been, with the summer heat and all, so I just kept thinking about how much easier things were going to be, but then just as I laid there smiling, I got this first, intense ache, and so I screamed like a…I don't even know what.

And James, he jumped out of bed in absolutely no more than a second, and he looked so funny, so since the ache had disappeared as sudden as it had arrived, I began to laugh. It all felt so unreal, and yeah, everything was rather hazy and so.

After I had stopped giggling, because of another ache, and James had turned the light on in our bedroom and found his glasses and most of all finished running around in confusion and trying to make me explain what he was supposed to do and so on—everything was hurting so much I could hardly remember anything else.

Somehow, we got to St. Mungo's. And I remember the pain still, even though all the while a Healer had been standing above me with huge eyes, braided hair, and big angry cheeks. Or something of the like. She looked scary anyway, her cheeks and all, but I wasn't so much thinking of that then, only about how I was currently breaking into two halves.

But I really shouldn't complain. Because what I got from it, what my reward was, was the best thing in the whole wide world. My baby. Good Godric, I don't even now fully understand it, and that first moment that day, when it all of a sudden stopped hurting and I had Harry in my arms, I did _not_ at all understand it.

I remember looking up at James, whom I hadn't paid any attention to whatsoever since we had left home; I remember him being all sweaty and blotchy but not noticing it because his eyes were fastened on the bundle in my arms, and his eyes, gosh, his eyes. I've always loved James' eyes, but they were shining so much with something I'd never quite seen before, and then he came over to me, hesitatingly, and he smiled at me, and I think I smiled at him, but I don't really remember. Because in that moment I looked down, for the first time properly, and saw Harry.

He was the prettiest thing I'd ever seen, with his tiny little fingers and a nose that was so petite that it almost wasn't there. Merlin, I really could be describing him all day here, page up and page down, because he is so cute. I've always thought that mums and dads are silly when they go on about how beautiful their kids are, but I now know what they mean.

It's like my all world has turned—there's always a part of me that's thinking about Harry. I know it's only been three days, but I think it will be like this forever.

Oh, now James is shouting at me to come, wait just a second.

So, now I'm back. It was only James being stupid; he was holding Harry and when I got there he thought that Harry was dead. But of course he wasn't, he had just fallen asleep. It was rather funny, though; James looked so sheepish when I said that Harry was only sleeping, and I maybe shouldn't have giggled so much at him, because he looked really sour.

James will be a good father. I mean, I have been thinking so all the while, but now…now I know it. Whenever he's holding Harry, tucking him in, stroking his hair, or simply watching Harry, you can see it in his eyes so well. It's pure devotion in there; he'd do anything for Harry, anything.

And, I have to admit, it's a slight turn-on, his becoming a father—the way he's so careful and tender and somewhat awkward. It feels like I've fallen even deeper in love with James, and that is something I've always thought wasn't possible, because it feels like it should have been the opposite. That some of my love for him would have disappeared and gone to Harry, that the love my heart was capable of holding would have been divided between the two of them instead of going fully to James. But instead, I've gained a bigger heart, or something like that, so that I can now love them both much more than before.

Oh, another thing I have to tell you about is how not only _we_ find Harry the most precious thing on earth. Remus, Sirius, and Peter came visiting last night, and he hypnotized them all. Sirius was at first a bit hysterical about it all, that he was his godfather and all that, so he was all wound up, laughing and nervous all the while. Rather adorable, in fact.

But Remus…Remus was a lot calmer about it. James was sitting in the living room with Harry while I greeted them, and Remus walked in there directly. The rest of us joined them a little later, and the sight of them—I'll always remember it and how happy it made me. It made everything seem so perfect, so simple.

James and Remus were sitting next to each other on the sofa, and Remus had Harry, who was asleep, in his arms. Remus was staring, absolutely absorbed, at Harry, and James…I think that was what made it even better; James was looking so proud, like he was bursting with happiness and delight.

Then Sirius stopped his bouncing and laughter and joined them on the sofa with a look on his face that I've never seen before. He was stunned, I'd say. He sat next to Remus and touched Harry's hand with his finger so tenderly, and Remus turned his head for a moment and looked straight at Sirius with something in his eyes that made me so happy. Then Sirius said something like how tiny Harry was, with a really raw, broken voice, and James burst out in this bubbling laughter and got up from the sofa and hugged Peter for so long. Peter, too, was completely ensnared by Harry, absently patting James' back until he sat down on the sofa on the other side of Remus.

Sirius was still looking at Harry with bright eyes, and when Peter pulled his hand out to caress Harry's cheek, Harry suddenly flapped with his hands and grabbed Peter's finger.

I remember when that first happened to me: I thought I would die from how perfect it felt, and Peter must have felt the same, judging from the look on his face, at least.

James and I left them like that to go and get some coffee and such, and when we got back, the scene hadn't changed a bit. They were still so captured by Harry, and I remember how it made me think that even though everything in the world is going downhill, there will always be these little glimpses of light.

Oh, now James is yelling at me again. I do think that actually would be all, diary. I'll try and write more tomorrow, if I find time.

Lily


End file.
